My Secondary Life

People who know me since Secondary school will know that i seldom go back sec school .

i went back only once to get my prize for the academic thingy.

Its not because i hated the teacher , not because i hated the school .

it because of fear .

i feared remembering everything .

When i was Secondary 1 , i hurt a person .

and i mean really hurt .

i regretted what i've done .

seriously , i am sorry

i really am .

I dont dare to apologise to you .

not because i wasnt sorry .

cause im not sure if you remembered it .

but still , i want to tell you im sorry.

After knowing Empire Clique and got really bonded , we freaking split class again

Seriously , i was like cursing the school for breaking class -___-

Secondary 2 , year end , split class again .

DAMN , I GOT SEPARATED FROM MY CLIQUE AGAIN .

i was upset . really upset .

Secondary 3 , had no close friends .

was super close with cheryl at the end , i think .

and that i've made a wrong choice .

I chose peer over PR , i think

WRONG WRONG STEP EVER , LIKE SERIOUSLY .

Secondary 4 , camp chief.

WORST EXPERIENCE OF ALL .

have you guys stood in front of a crowd , not knowing what to say ?

have you guys led a whole committee but you yourself dk what to do ?

have you guys felt like you are going to breakdown during a camp?

have you guys carried a toilet roll around when you are sick during a camp ?

have you guys wanted to give up during a camp ?

have you guys ever feel like you are a fool, a trash, useless nothing in a camp ?

have you guys lost your self-esteem in a camp ?

have you guys lost confidence in your camp ?

have you guys been led by people when you yourself is supposed to led the camp ?

everything listed above, i did .

in that camp , i stood in front of the whole sec 1 , not knowing what to say .

i got tongue-tied .

i was not prepared , was mumbling and totally gave up .

that was when , i totally lost my confidence in that camp .

i began being led by people , being instructed instead of instructing .

i felt like a fool , cried when i was back .

When everyone heard that i've been a camp chief before,

they went "wow".

yet, it was a terrible experience for me .

till now , i dont wish to go back to the school to remember all these , bad memories.

i dont know how to face my juniors .

i dont know how to face everyone else in that secondary school .

i bet they will laugh at me .

You , Yes You , behind the computer .

you must be thinking im such a failure :/

yes i am .

im not as good as you guys think .

i want to be honest .

i want others to know my feelings as well .

till now , i feel like a weakling .

i dreaded camps , avoiding them as much as i could .

those bad memories ...